"When 'You Never Reconsider' Really Means 'Stop Seeing Through Me'"

There's a particular kind of feedback that lands differently. Not the constructive kind that helps you grow, but the kind designed to make you doubt your own clarity. It usually sounds like: "You never reevaluate your perspective" or "You're too rigid in your thinking" or "You always think you're right."

And for a moment, it works. You pause. You question yourself. Are you really that inflexible? Should you be more open to other viewpoints?

The Art of Weaponized Feedback

Here's what took me years to understand: Some people confuse pattern recognition with rigidity. When you notice their behavior follows predictable cycles—deleted messages, locked phones, stories that shift with each telling—they don't see someone who pays attention. They see someone who needs to be convinced to pay less attention.

The same investigative skills that help me trace invisible governance structures in educational policy? They work on relationships too. And some people really don't like being seen that clearly.

Flexibility vs. Gullibility

Real intellectual flexibility looks like constantly reframing your research questions, catching yourself mid-thought to consider missing perspectives, transforming personal pain into universal wisdom. It's the ability to hold multiple truths simultaneously while still recognizing patterns.

What it doesn't look like: Ignoring evidence. Pretending patterns don't exist. Accepting versions of reality that contradict observable facts. Lowering your standards to make someone else comfortable with their choices.

The Tell

People who genuinely want you to grow will point to specific examples. They'll say, "When X happened, you might have missed Y perspective." They engage with your actual thinking, not your character.

But those who benefit from your confusion? They make sweeping statements about who you are. They need you to believe you're the problem because if you're not broken, then maybe their behavior is the issue.

Reclaiming Your Clarity

So when someone tells you that you never reconsider, ask yourself:

- Are they asking me to see a new perspective, or unsee a pattern?

- Do they want me to grow, or just be less aware?

- Is this about my rigidity, or their discomfort with being understood?

Your ability to recognize patterns isn't a flaw. Your clarity isn't rigidity. And your boundaries aren't walls—they're the foundation that lets you build something real.

Sometimes the most flexible thing you can do is trust what you see.